Alone With God

So tonight is my first full night alone, without anyone here. My sister just got married a couple of days ago. I am so happy for her, and yet I am sad because the journey that we have shared all of our lives is now over. We will start a new relationship. One that I have been told from many, will be a better relationship. I am excited to start this new journey. For the first time in my life, I will be alone. I do not mean for that to sound sad. It isn't sad, but I have never really been alone before. For the record, I am not talking about being physically alone. I am talking about having to worry about only me. Providing for only me. Living on my own. It will be a change, but I am excited about the change.

I was at church on Sunday and I was a little teary eyed. This was one of the first times that I was not meeting anyone at church. It was just me, arriving alone, and not having anyone to save seats for. While the worship music was playing and I was praying to God, I could really feel a comfort from the Lord. I felt like something had ended or rather finalized and this was a new beginning God could have with just me. I am so excited about the time we will be spending together. I love that I can just have a conversation with the Lord in my living room out loud, unafraid of any interruptions of someone coming home. One of my friend told me "I really feel like the Lord wants to refine you through this and make you more and more dependent on Him through it." I really realized that tonight. I have always relied on my sister. She really is the one I relied on. Now is the time, to fully rely on God. I know it will be a process. But I can see that this will take me so much further in my spiritual walk with the Lord. I am just so excited about spending time with Him, and when I am alone, just feeling safe, because I know he only wants the best for me, because I am one of His children. God has a specific plan for my life. So many times, I will think that, and then I will just be overcome with doubt. But I will not allow that doubt to sit with me any longer. The Lord wants this time with me, because He has a specific plan for me, like He has for all of his children. 

I will not assume that He doesn't or that I am not that important. How could the God of the universe have a specific plan just for me???? Why? Because He is the GOD of the UNIVERSE!!!! That is why. And I will continue to repeat that, until all of the doubt of that goes away. 

I am drawing to a close of the Old Testament. I just read the book of Habakkuk. I really thought it was appropriate. The subtitle read "Trust During Chaos".  I love how Habakkuk is a prophet of the Lord, and yet sometimes he doubts and complains. When Habakkuk finished complaining for a moment the Lord answers and says in chapter 2 verse 3 "At the time I have decided, my words will come true. You can trust what I say about the future. It may take a long time, but keep on waiting it will happen. " I love that. I love that the Lord is just so true in every word that He says. When I read that verse I felt confident about my own future. I know what the Lord has told me about my future, but sometimes it is hard to actually accept the truth of it. Also, when I read that verse, I wonder why God doesn't plainly talk to us like He did with Habakkuk. It would be so easy to trust what is verbally told to us. But we must have faith, and that is what this next verse says, 4:"I, the Lord, refuse to accept anyone who is proud. Only those who live by faith are acceptable to me." Faith is what we all must accept, and live by. I hope during this time in my life, and as I grow deeper in the Lord that my faith just grows to unexplainable depths. That is my prayer.