A New Season

As I was sitting on my porch Monday night before pre-planing started the next day, I felt closed in, I felt that I could not breath properly, my heart was starting to beat faster, I was about to have a anxiety attack. This isn't the first time that I have had the "beginning" stages of one of those, and in years past when I hadn't relied on the Word of God and Jesus himself, I would have thrown myself completely into one of those. But one thing I have learned is to stop it before it starts. Those attempts of attack from the devil always seem to come to me on the cuff of something new, or at a new season I have in life. I know how to identify it now and I knew I had to not close myself in and so I texted a friend "will you pray about tomorrow for me?". And afterward I prayed about the next school year that I was embarking on. I didn't need to go into detail with this friend about what was going on, but I knew I needed prayer about what I was starting the next day. Although I still "down-play" much of what is going on with myself during times like those I still have made great strides when talking to God about what is going on. And for now, that is enough for me. 

Afterwards, I felt a sense of excitement about the new school year. I wasn't even able to go to sleep that night hardly. The next day was fine, until my leg started to swell due to a spider bite or whatever it was, and I had to go to the doctor. And the following day was fine, until on my break I went to get a sweet tea and was pulled over (for the first time ever) for not wearing my seat-belt.... I know, I know, I should have put it on....Lesson learned. But with all of that being said, I still had a fabulous week. Yesterday was probably the best day. It was long, busy and stressful, but non the less a great day. I have many new responsibilities and position at the school. I am on numerous committees that the principle thought I should serve on, one of which being a leadership committee. This new year, will definitely be a career. I can no longer "down-play" the work that is to be done. I used to say, that I would never let my job take up more than 30% of my life. This year will be quite different. Hopefully this will be the last year of this. 

I have learned some amazing things this week. I started a new book called 'Captivating', that a friend told me about. It has really identified some really amazing things about a women's distinct relationship with God. It is different than any other relationship, and it definitely not the same as a man's relationship with God. I have learned to identify many of the devils lies towards women as a whole. One of my deepest fears is to be alone, and I have realized from this book, that it is a major fear for all women, and it is a lie. 

Its during those times when as a women we have fears, those fears that lie deep within us, that we tend to guard, hide, so no one can see it or sense that about of us, quite like my anxiety, that we must realize that those "deep and dark" things are not part of who we are, but part of the plan against us and speak up about it, we would find that we are not alone at all in those fears, every women has those, and we can do battle together. 

I am not alone, and never have I been alone. However, it was a definite truth in me and in my mind the whole time. One of the major things I am working on now, and will continue to work on, is defining God's voice, from the enemy's  voice. Reading the Word has really helped a lot, and praying through my day has really helped a lot, and yet still, I find myself affirming lies on a daily basis. Most of the time its not a distinct "that is true", its mostly just a feeling that I agree with and let it possess my day. That is not what God wants me to do, and it is definitely not how God wants any of us to live our lives. We will never get to the next place He wants us to go, if we are willing to agree with any thought that comes into our mind. 

I know how to do that in some very difficult situations, including the anxiety. I know that I have to speak up and talk, if only for a second, not letting myself draw inwards, and then focus on God. But I should focus on God during all of the negative thoughts I have, and not just focus on Him when I have physical attacks of my emotions. Many times we call out to God when we are crying or shaking, (physical attacks). But what about those times, when we think we are not important, or we are ugly, or we are not going to get married. Those are just as important too. Those big thoughts, lead to bigger things that will then cause us to break down. We must stop it at the on set. Because those are lies. With everything else, this is another lesson learned. Another fight that we must fight, for not just our own victory, but the victory of the Kingdom as well.