Understanding the Past and Hopeful for the Future

Often I reflect back on my life thus far and reflect. For me, my reflection is based on how much my life has changed in the last two years. I got married, left my job I had for six years, and moved across the country. I would have never imagined my life changing so fast and so drastically! As I reflect back I have two important thoughts. First, when I was in the storm of change, everything seemed so simple and easy. I remember during those few weeks of packing, saying “goodbye” to all my friends and family, and traveling, I always saw this as a new chapter, and one that God designed for me. I remember praying and being thankful because I knew this was right for my life right now. Of course I was sad sometimes and homesick, but those feelings were surpassed by the feeling of peace I felt when I was alone in a new place with no one I knew, except my husband. It is during those times I felt peace from God by being in His will. I gained strength and courage to make every bit of this time out here an adventure and a time to grow. It is during these times of peaceful reflection that I understand God has a specific purpose for me moving away from everyone I know. To put it simply, there are areas in my life I would have never grown in, had I not married my husband and moved away from everything I knew. This brings me to my second thought during my reflections; I am so excited about what is to come! I would have never imagined all the life changes that have occurred, which makes me even more excited about everything new! 1 Corinthians 2:9 says “ But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, not the heart of man imagined, what God has “prepared for those who love him”. We will never know what our future holds. There will be great joy and sadness I am afraid. However, what I do know is God is with us. He has planned every specific thing in our life and He will be with you and me. There have been great times of happiness and times of great learning lessons and growth. There is a specific plan for each of us and we have a specific part in God’s design. We will never be able to plan everything, life will happen. In those times I hope you and I will come to a place of peace and thankfulness even when times are rough. Find strength in what God has blessed and taught you thus far so that you continue to praise and honor our King. God Bless!

God's Power Trumps Our Weakness!

I have lived in Texas for over five months now. I must say the transition is getting easier. Adam and I have found a great church and started going to a couples group as well as a women's group for me too. This has helped in so many ways. I am able to meet new people that have lived here all of their lives and also meeting people who are new like me. One thing is for sure, I know God has us both here for a reason. I have learned so much, which has been amazing, but this can also bring insecurities as well. This is the first time I have moved so far from home. The first time (and only time) I have been married, the first time I haven't had a job, I mean the list can go on!!! All of this, change, change, change and it can bring up insecurities! I would like to say that I am pretty confident, but even going to a new women's Bible study brings up insecurities within me. Even when I leave I wonder if I said all the right things too. (Whose been there!?!?) I am doing so many things that are completely new with no map to go by and so the weaknesses in my own life seem to shine so much brighter. How depressing would life be if the only outcome of change is weakness and insecurities? Thank God it is not. "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9. I absolutely LOVE this verse. I know I don't need to be perfect but reading this verse allows peace to come over my imperfections and just allow God and the people around me to love me just the way I am. All those tiny voices that try to speak otherwise are gone. I believe we miss Gods blessings everyday when we focus on our weaknesses and not the strengths God has given us each day. Not everyone will like you, you won't remember everything on your grocery list, you will not always say the right thing at the right time... And guess what? By Gods grace there is always tomorrow. As long as you are actively pursuing God and striving to be better in your walk everyday that is what is important, not all the tiny things that try to take away your peace everyday. Our weaknesses should be acknowledged, prayed over, and worked on to improve. However, we should not allow a new season in our lives to destroy all the great things that come with the change! We should become humble, realizing how much we need God, and run to Him with our weaknesses and insecurities. As I am learning so much in this new season of my life, and I am learning how much God wants me to come to Him in all areas I can rest in the assurance He is with me, giving me wisdom and direction everyday. If you're like me and find yourself pondering your weaknesses and insecurities too much...STOP, rely on 2 Corinthians 12:9. Write it down on a notecard and put it in your pocket ( I have done this so many times for many different areas of my life) and pull them out and read them every time you find you need to. Rely on the Word of God and begin to walk in he confidence and security that YOU are His child, that He has chosen YOU specifically for a unique purpose. YOU are part of a very important plan. Start enjoying the work God is performing in your life. God bless you!

The changing life and the constant Bible

Life has been extremely busy lately. The last few months have been such a transition with moving to a new city, being newly married, finding a new job and so on. I absolutely love the place in life I am in right now. Many things I have prayed about, God has given to me this last year. I have my seminary degree, I found the man of my dreams, and we started a new life together. Although all of this has been a blessing and a gift from God, it still has been a transition, and sometimes a stressful one. There is one thing however, that is never changing and I rely on this on the most stressful of days: God loves me. I have found that although I am far from everything and people I knew (besides my husband) I am closer to God because of it. On most days I can not wait to have my quiet time and am quick to open my Bible, devotionals, and commentaries so that I can learn more. I never want to stop learning and because I have not found a job yet, this is the perfect time to devote myself to learning the Bible even more. Adam and I have recently started memorizing scripture. We are memorizing Psalms 86:11 “ Teach me your way, LORD, that I may rely on your faithfulness, give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.” I love this verse because we are both learning everyday what the Bible says about certain issues and we find it to relate to our life presently. It is important to understand the value of not having an undivided heart. I want to have a firm stance on all issues and never waver, no matter what circumstances will come. By memorizing this verse, my hope is that it becomes cemented within my heart during all trials. God is faithful and relying on Him when you feel alone, confused, scared or tempted will always lead you to a better place. I find peace in His faithfulness. All I know is this simple truth: The more time you spend with God, the more your relationship will grow and you will want to spend more time with Him. We all have busy and stressful lives, but make time for Him. Find a subject in the Bible you want to learn more about and research, study, read, and learn. The Bible is a direct link for our guidance, support and wisdom. I promise you won’t regret the time you’ve spend in His Word. God Bless you all.

Morning Reflections and Beautiful Challenges

On many occasions I have my quiet time, listen to devotionals, or read the Word and find a topic I really want to write about. This morning proved to be the truth, I could not wait to sit down and start writing about what I read and how it enlightened me. My husband and I are still reading Matthew. We have really enjoyed reading this book together and discussing everything Christ talks about in this book. Often we also read a secondary source on the message and background. This really helps us to gain a better understanding of the chapter that day. Today we read Matthew 22: 1- 14, which focuses on Jesus’ parable of the wedding feast. To sum this parable up, the invited guest did not want to come to the wedding feast (the Jews rejecting Jesus) angered, the king invited those in the community to come instead (the Jewish sinners and Gentile outcast). At the feast was a man who did not come in the proper wedding attire. When the king approached him and asked why he was not in the proper wedding attire, the man was speechless. The king stated in verses 13 and 14 “Bind him hand and foot and cast him into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’ For many are called, but few are chosen.” This last part is a depiction of hell obviously, but what symbolic wisdom can we gain from the man that came without the proper wedding garment? This is what Thomas D. Lee and David Alan Black writes in The New Testament Its Background and Message, The lesson from the rejection of the improperly clothed guest is that salvation is a gift, but it is not without standards and is not to be taken lightly. This was truly enlightening and sobering to me this morning. I would love to think my salvation I view as a gift from God and is never taken lightly and that I hold it to the highest of standards. However, I know that I fail at this sometimes. After Christ calls us into a relationship with Him, there is a change in each person. This change should continue and grow so that through our journey on this Earth we are less like our old selves and more Christ like. I believe though for some, this journey stalls and we regress or stand still for days, months, or even years. This is very concerning for Christians today. We should never continuously looks back at the bad places in life we were, but we should always continue to grow and to have the determination to grow, even if we fail. How different would our relationships be, or our life, or our world if all Christians courageously fought to be better than yesterday? This definitely sounds like a daunting task when we realize that we have work to do in our Christian walk. However, it doesn’t have to be. God doesn’t call us to be perfect, instead we are to love Him and love His Word in a way that drives us to become better than we were before we came into a relationship with him. We are called to obey His Word, and we will fail at this sometimes. However, by reading the Word and praying, I believe we will grow more and fail less. I believe that many of us forget how Holy and powerful our God is. Hell is definitely real, and those that have been called as Christians should truly be thankful and humbled and crave to be a better person than we were before. We deserve nothing, and yet we gained everything because of Christ. On many mornings as Adam and I read the Bible together, we leave the kitchen table inspired, happy, and peace filled. However, on some mornings, we are humbled and taken to a place where we as individual Christians need to take inventory of our own personal walk with Christ and deeply reflect on what we read. I am so thankful for those times. I need to be challenged and to walk deep into what God is showing me. This morning was one of those mornings. I am so happy that I can say I was challenged today, because that means I am growing. I am not perfect and never will be, however I will continue to grow and become more like Christ and less like myself. I am determined. Do not be afraid of the challenge or the realization you have work to do. Instead, be thankful that God spoke to you, and is working in your life so that you can become all that He wants you to be in this life. I pray that each of you will be determined today, and everyday, as Christ leads you. God Bless.

A New Journey and the Differences in it!

I am so excited that everything has settled down just enough for me to update! Life has been absolutely crazy the last few months. I married Adam in February, but since my school contract did not end until May I decided to stay in Georgia while he was in Texas until May. I packed all my apartment slowly and was able to spend some quality time with my friends and family before the big move. It was great to have that time with everyone and mentally prepare for the move. It really made the transition much easier then I believe it could have been. In May Adam flew back, we went on our delayed honeymoon (to the beach!) and headed to Texas a few days later. I have been in Texas for almost three weeks now and it has been a blast. I flew out a couple of times after we were married, but now that I am settled in I am able to really start living life out here. I found a really great gym that I go to, Adam and I go to a great church, and I even have a Starbucks not far away!!! Life is good! There are some challenges however. I live close to Mexico and even speaking English to other people can be difficult. I am getting used to the language barrier, the culture differences, and other challenges of moving to a new area. I have taken all of these “challenges” as something good, and not bad. I believe God has a reason for Adam to be transferred out here, and me to come and live out here. I love a good adventure, and I definitely found one with the love of my life. I know there is something for me out here, and I know God wants this time with me alone, to really grow in what I am to do in the future. When I started this blog I was very clear that I was in a “transition” period, I knew I was to go and to complete seminary and after that, I had no idea. I was at peace with that, because I knew I had to work, go to school, and grow. Now that I have finished seminary and I quit my job to move, I know this is the time for growth and movement in my life. I have only been married 4 short months, but already I know a few things. First, lean on God for everything!!!! I am hundreds of miles from my family, which I am very close to, and all I have right now out here is God and Adam. By praying, reading the Word, and meditating on sermons and devotionals, I have not been too effected by the move away from family. It has also helped me see things clearly and to not get too caught up on the little things from day to day. In other words, I have peace. Adam and I also started reading the Bible together and we started in Matthew. It has been great before he goes to work every morning, he reads a chapter and we both discuss what we gathered from the chapter over breakfast. Although this is a short time of discussion, it still helps both of us to focus on the right things through the day. The Gospels are really great to do this with because Jesus is very clear about many things that each of us can instantaneously take with us and meditate on. We both are still growing as individuals and definitely growing as a husband and a wife, and this is perfect for us. Some days we skip it and we read the chapter by ourselves, but this has been really great for both of us, and it fits in our mornings perfectly. I recently have felt a desire in my own prayer time to focus on judging. Not necessarily judging people, but circumstances, situations, and new environments. Especially moving in with my husband in a very different city, and in a totally different state, I mentally judge, or compare many of the new things I am experiencing. I believe we all compare or judge something different from what we are used to doing. Perfect example, the gym, I love the gym and was excited to join this new one. It has everything! New classes, a whole track, pool Crossfit room, the whole nine! Yet as I was using some of the machines and weights, I immediately thought “these aren’t as new as the ones I worked out on, there very different.” It’s almost laughable now, but that was my first thought. In hindsight, it is so much better than the one I came from but the negative aspects is what I thought of first. It goes further though. Early this week Adam and I were reading Matthew 15 and it focuses on the traditions and commandments with the Pharisees and scribes and they were complaining to Jesus that the disciples were not following the traditions of washing hands before meals. Jesus was teaching that following the commandments, which are in the Word of God, is what they should focus on, not the traditions. Jesus states in verse 6, “So for the sake of your tradition you have made void the word of God. You hypocrites! Well did Isaish prophesy of you, when he said: “”This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me; in vain do they worship me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.”” This verse really made me think. I do not want to be the type of person that finds the negative or the difference in everything. I have really focused this week on changing my mind set to focus on the positive and not the negative. Anything you want to change that is a mental change is so hard because much of the time, you do not really realize your are doing it until you focus on changing the habit and then it seems like you are having to work on it all day long. I take the challenge though. I love to work towards being better. I love working hard, it motivates me to continue growing. It may not be easy and it hasn’t… but I know God is working in me to change some of the habits in my life. This is where I am at three weeks in. Its been a great three weeks so far, and I know this summer is going to be great. I’m excited about this new stage in my life and this new journey I am on. I am not sure what is around the corner, but I do know that has I continue to focus on God and continue to learn I am doing exactly what I need to do. All the other stuff will fall into place!If anyone is starting something new, get excited about it, allow God to lead and direct your path. Allow God to show your aspects of yourself that you need to evaluate. There is a lot of growth with change, allow it to be a joyous time! Until next time!

The Harvest

Life has changed quite dramatically since I have last posted. To let you know a little secret, I felt my life for the past few years was a transition period or stepping stones to a bigger picture. I was in graduate school for Christian Leadership, I was working full time as a teacher, and I was patient, at least most of the time. When I truly felt I should apply and attend seminary, I knew I would be waiting. I understood that my direct instruction was to attend seminary and work full time. I also knew that after graduating I would have a better idea of what to do with my degree. Well four years later, I just graduated from seminary, and I just married the love of my life. I am also moving across the country with my husband as he starts his new job!!!! This ways my next step. I can not describe how I knew that life for the past few years was a transitional time, or why I knew all would work out after graduating. I just know that when you are truly in tune with what God’s direction is for your life, and what His will is for your life, you find peace in the journey. This journey was not always easy for me. My job is not exactly the easiest, and sometimes I thought I would be single forever. But I waited and I truly had faith in that tiny voice I heard years earlier. Now I still do not know what I will be doing. Other than moving to Texas with my new husband, nothing else has been revealed. But I am at peace with that. I am so excited about this new stage in my life and I am ready for it!!! I am finishing up teaching and will be packing up to move in two months. I will continue to pray and to ask God for guidance in what opportunities I have out in Texas. I am a newlywed and I am moving and starting a new career. That is enough to drive some people crazy. But every time I think about the struggles or how stressful life may be without the security of my family and friends and just the overall familiarity of life, I then turn and think, ‘I am going to get so much closer with God’. I know He will be there for me. He knows exactly who I am and what I will need. He will sustain me and He will provide for me. He is my true joy and happiness. What is funny is although this is the end of this waiting game, there will be another one right around the corner. Life is like that. What is important to remember, (and I have to remind myself of this a lot ) is to enjoy the journey. Enjoy waiting and the dullness that may come with it. Give praise for those dull and boring days, and be thankful that there are days to rest. I can not believe how drastic my life has changed. I had to wait 31 years for this to happen, and I would have waited another 31 if I had to for this season of harvest. Some of the pieces to my puzzle of life are fitting together. I am no longer scattered and flipped up side down in some areas of my life. There are many areas in which I am still figuring out how to go. I find peace in that. I am not perfect and I never will be. Philippians 3:13 is a verse I love during this time: “But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead. I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus.” This is what I hold on to. There are many mistakes and failures that I could remind myself of when thinking of the new adventure to come. I could remind myself of how weak and insecure I am, and how I am not worthy. But I know better than that. I know who I am in Christ Jesus and He knew who I was (good, bad, and ugly), the minute He called me into relationship with Him. Do not think you are ever less than worthy for God’s calling on your life. You have an important job to do for His kingdom and His glory. Find strength in the understanding that you were picked specifically for a certain calling, and God will equip you with what ever you need. As I end this entry, I don’t know how wise or uplifting it is. I know that I had the urge to update and to say I am quite excited to share all my amazing experiences of being a new wife, living in a new state, and working out life (and what I am going to fix for dinner every night!). I wanted to start a new blog, but this is still the perfect one, it has just shifted as the roles of who I am in life have changed. Peace and blessings! Lora

With A Very Thankful Heart

Wow I am totally going to have to get better at posting!! Almost a year later and here I am. Life has changed dramatically and I couldn’t be any happier. First of all, I only have one more class of graduate school and I will have my Masters in Christian Leadership. This has been something I have been working towards for so long. I knew God was calling to get my Masters in this area. I also knew that while I was taking these classes, I would not know what doors it would open in my life. I just knew that all I was responsible for at this moment was to take the classes and finish. After which I would be given further direction. So here I am at the door of a new adventure once I finish this class I start in January! I am so thankful for the opportunity to get my masters in this area and the many lessons I have learned along the way. In a few months my life will be changing forever, and not just because of my masters degree. It is also changing because I AM GETTING MARRIED!!! Yes, it is true. Not only am I getting married to the man of my dreams but I will be moving half way across the country with him. This is something that I am very excited about. I know God has a plan in all of this and I know finishing my masters will play a key role when I get out there in May. I am a teacher at the moment and once I get my degree, I know it would have been hard to leave and go into another profession in the same town, because I would be unsure of the outcome. However, moving across the country, not have my teacher license in that area will give me a better mind set to leave what was known and travel into the unknown. Such an exciting adventure ahead!!!! I’ve always had faith in God and knew what He was working in my life behind the scenes would always benefit me. However, many times it was hard to accept the place I was at. It was lonely and boring sometimes. I was unsure of who I was and what my life would hold. I always had faith and continued to live life and pursue the dreams God had placed in my heart. I am quite certain had I got married in the beginning stages of getting my masters, I may never have finished. God truly knows what is best and His timeline is better than our own. I was in church yesterday by myself and the chorus of a David Crowder Band song hit my heart, “He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, And I realise just how beautiful You are, And how great Your affections are for me.oh how He loves us so, oh how He loves us,” How He does love us and realizing that yesterday while singing this song in church made me feel so incredibly thankful and blessed. I believe we all have seasons, and some seasons are for sowing, and some are for growing, and some are for the harvest. I know we have all heard this before, but this is very much true. The growing season is the hardest part, because most of the growth after you sow your seeds aren’t seen for a while. Its waiting and being patient. I have to say I was not always the most patient person and I am still working on that. However, I always knew that something would happen and it would lead my life in a different direction if I just continued to follow the path God had for me. I am thankful for the harvest season I am in right now. I think it is important to recognize when God has brought the harvest, and be in a state of thankfulness and love to the God of everything. This next year isn’t going to be easy (I’m sure many blog posts will be centered on this). I am a family girl and I love my family with all of my heart and this will be the first time I will be away from them. There will be days that are tough; however, every time I think about that, I am given this sense of how much more I will rely on God and how much closer we will be. Although every season is not always the best when we are in them, it is important to give thanks for the growth each season brings because each season does bring growth, even if we do not see it! God works in all of our lives for good! Hold to that understanding and be happy for each day God has given you. Happy Thanksgiving ! Lora

A New Year Is Almost Here...

It is very hard to believe that 2012 is almost over. This year has absolutely flown by. Which is probably why it was the month of May since my last post. However, here I am writing again on the last few days of the year. I really enjoy this, and although it is sometimes long in between each of my post, I believe there is a purpose behind it. I hope among other things this new year will rejuvenate my desire to write more, especially since I have more free time right now. Although there are many things that have changed in my life, there are still many things that are quite the same since this time last year. This is a blessing and also a time of reflection so that I may move forward in 2013. Earlier this year, within days of the New Year I ran my first half marathon. I have become very passionate about fitness and running, these activities have created a very positive outlet for me. I am so happy I have found an activity that even after more than a year of starting, I am still just as passionate. I miss running when I do not get to run, and I love being at the gym when I am there. This was a year of many first for me, and I really enjoyed all the new and amazing things I was able to do this year. There are also things that I am looking forward to do this new year. I have so many things I want to do and accomplish that sometimes it can be stressful thinking about all of it. However, I have come to the decision that my most important new years resolution is to not worry about things in my life. Stress causes so many negative things to many people. It is one of the leading causes to heart disease, among other things. It is such a problem for many people universally. So starting out I know that this is a hard new years resolution to submit to. However, I am bound and determine to make this my new years resolution!!!!!! How you may ask.. well many times its not that I worry about horrible things that might happen in my life. Usually its the small day to day things that I get wound up in worry about. Things that occupy my mind, and yet have no real purpose. It is just a way of me not being able to live in peace because I am thinking negatively about certain situations. At the same time, I do worry about big things in my life that I am afraid may not happen or will happen. So really I am a well-rounded worrier, but this will change. I have noticed that because I have made this my new years resolution, that negative mindsets try to occupy my mind a lot. So after reading a devotional one day I found the perfect verse I have been reciting every time my mind wonders off into a negative mindset. Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight." Absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this verse for my new years resolution. It is such an easy verse to memorize as well so it is easy for me to recite it mentally when I need to. Can you tell I have already started my new years resolution?? I thought maybe I needed some practice before really going head first on January 1st! Its my resolution, my rules! YAY! I believe a Godly new years resolution is perfect for everyone. The new year can be very motivating for positive changes and decisions to take place. However a brand new year, isn't the only way to start something new and inspiring, but since the new year is almost here, why not start now?!?! I also believe we can not achieve things on our own. That is why I really rely on this bible verse to help me. It is through the grace of God, God's Word and the workings of the holy spirit that all of us have the ability to change. Like Proverbs 3:5 say ".....do not lean on your own understanding..." If we rely on our own understanding and ability, we will get discouraged, down-hearted, and eventually fail at what we are doing. It is through God that we are able to do anything good and keep the positive changes anyways. I am so happy and blessed that I do not have to rely on myself, but I have a powerful God that will lead me and direct me in all of my decisions. Because lets be honest with ourselves... anytime we try to do anything on our own it just doens't work out. Besides, I would rather have what God has for my life because I know it is much bigger and better than anything I could ever dream up for myself! Good Luck in all your new years resolutions!!!! It is going to be a FABULOUS year!!!!!!

To Breath In Summer....Its Here!

Hello hello! I have been so busy the last couple of months. Really the start of the 2012 came very fast, and has kept going. I just finished my Apologetics course, and I absolutely loved it. I learned so much more about my faith and about how to speak to those who are not Christians of other faiths, or none at all. This has been an amazing experience. I have been so blessed to have the chance to take these powerful classes at Liberty, that not only has strengthened my mind, but my walk with God as well. Such a learning experience. Speaking of learning experiences, I tend not to talk too much about work and the situations I encountered. However, this year has been such a learning experience. This is my forth year in, and by now I thought I would know everything there is to know about teaching... (just kidding). Really though, I have learned so much. I want to be a great teacher and teach the students about the value of absolutism, enlightenment, WWI and WWII. However, I want them to know that I care. I want them to know they are valued. Life is hard and I know not everyone has a great home life. I was blessed to grow up in such an amazing family with parents that instilled Christian values. The more I teach, the more I am aware of that and how I am so blessed. I pray for my students, and when I look into their eyes, my heart melts...on most days. I love teaching and I have learned that God has me where I am for a reason. It may not be easy most days, but I am needed, in what ever way that is. I have found comfort in that. I know that may seem simple, but I leave work and know that there is a reason, and not by accident I started working there, or what students are in my class and in that I find rest. Ohhh but summer is upon us! I am so excited about summer. I find that I learn more and I grow as a person during this time. Life has been absolutely amazing. God has blessed me in so many ways. I have only the desire to LIVE and to enjoy every single moment of it. Romans 8:28 says "We know all things work together for the good of those who love God; who are called according to His purpose." Every day will not be easy, something will always come up and we will get down. However, I know God has a specific plan for my life. I know there are no accidents in this world. Our Lord is so amazing, it is almost hard to comprehend that he is in control of even the tiny things that happen. But He absolutely is. I find rest in that as well. What is suppose to happen will happen. I often quote "let go and let God", because it is so true. I want this summer to be all about growth and freedom and living. The only way that any of us can do that is to let go of the hurt, guilt, the burdens, and all of that stuff that weighs us down....and simply give it to God. It sounds easier than it is, I know. However, I believe our responsibility is to truly pray, talk to God, read the Word, and rely that everything will work out for His glory. For His glory, is what we want!!! God gave us this beautiful life, not to despair but to live. I am so excited about this time in my life. I know there will be hard times and times where I am looking for answers, but I am going to embrace this time and allow God to fill me, because I want to be in the moment and not take this time for granted. Life is to be lived, and summer is here, breath it in!!!!!

Change of Seasons

Fall is in the air. I absolutely love fall. I love the colors, the breeze in the air and the start of the holiday season. I just returned from the mountains in Tennessee and fall up there is amazing. The air was so cold, but it breathed new life. I love the change of seasons.
Everyone is different though. Some are ready for a new season and then there are some who always wants to linger in the previous one. Of course then there are always people who like to rush seasons too. Like life, seasons come and seasons go.
I think I have said this before, but I believe I am in a season of growth. I believe I have been presented with this season before but instead of sulking in it, I am actually now becoming proactive and growing so that I will learn and grow. I don't really know how to explain it other than to say that its not like I am experiencing new feelings or circumstances, instead I am reacting and listening to God's voice in a different way. My attitude has changed and instead of reacting to situations negatively I am reacting by listening to God's voice and truly finding my guidance and peace in ONLY Him.
Ephesians 6:10 says "Finally, be strengthened by the LORD and by His vast strength." I love that verse. That verse allows me to settle down and quit the works of the flesh. I can not do anything on my own. To finally realize that was so liberating. It is God's work in me that allows me to grow. All I have to do is trust that He is working in me and that I am growing into the women He wants me to be.
I do not know where my life is going. I am a teacher, I am in Seminary, I am single, and I am going to enjoy life in all of the seasons I am going through.
I trust that God knows exactly what He is doing, and I find my strength in that knowledge. This realization did not come over night. This has been a battle for a very long time. Those closest to me know how hard I have battled loving life during the lonely times.
I was playing right into the hands of the enemy. I was doing exactly what was not going to get me anywhere. I was accepting a lonely life and hating every bit of it. I am so happy I have grown and moved past that prideful attitude. I can't tell you that I fixed it or that there is a ten step program to get out of where you are.
However, I can tell you that when I truly engulfed myself in the Word, opened up my heart to the Lord, and just finally became too tired to fight it anymore, I grew. And you may not want to hear this but sometimes it just takes time. It takes time to learn and grow, to realize that this can be a good season or a bad season and its all up to you.
Please do not get confused, I am still in this season. It is not as if I am speaking from the other side, on the contrary, I am still here. The season I once hated still surrounds me. However, I am now growing in this season, instead of acting pitiful and sad. It isn't always easy. Sometimes my old mindsets and habits try to creep back, but as soon as I sense it, I pray and read the Word. I also trust that God's strength will always give me strength.
No matter how long you are in this season of your life good or bad, trust that God knows exactly what He is doing and He loves you and has reasons for this. You may not understand it now, but once you submit to the understanding that you have no clue, He will give you peace above your understanding. This will humble you and you will grow. If I have learned anything from this, it is how prideful I am because it is easy for me to ask why I am not getting everything I want. As I am growing I have realized its not all about me, its all about God. That is who I want it all to be about. May He use me how He will. I pray that I become a vessel for everything He wants to do through me. But the only way to be that is to grow in every season He has me in.
Trust in God above your own understanding. Lift your hands to Him and shout: I trust in your will for my life and I believe I am in the season for your glory!!!! Like me, I believe a weight will be lifted once you do.
God Bless you!

Tiny Whispers of God's Graciousness

There are many things that put a smile on my face. I believe everyday holds something to smile about. Even if we are faced with hard times, God gives us little blessings through out the day to help us along. All of these blessings can be seen through nature, a word from a friend, or just a stress free afternoon with a good cup of coffee.
Even when God is redirecting us, we can still have a smile on our face. Recently, God showed me an area in which I could refine or work on in my life. As I was hearing God’s small nudge of redirection I couldn’t help but smile. I am so happy God cares for us so much he starts with a small whisper. It is only when we are unable to hear and do not wish to hear that our life’s are sometimes turned up side down before we listen to what we need to do.
The more I read my Bible, and strive to become closer to God, the more I can hear the small voice of God. I love to hear when God speaks softly. I praise God during those times. I want to learn how to take those small voices just as serious as those loud and over-powering voices we experience when we get to far in. I do not want to go so far that my entire life is crumpling around me before I stop and listen to God. I want to listen to Him now, in the most quiet areas of my life.
When I pray every day, a part of that prayer is asking God to continue to prune me and make me who He wants me to be. However, In the middle of that “pruning” process I can get overwhelmed and feel defeated. This however is not what God wants us to feel like. Especially when we ask Him to prune our areas that need to go away.
I have realized that the “pruning” process is a process and it takes time. God will not show me everything I need to work on all at once, as well as, just because He is showing me areas I need to work on, I should be jumping up and down for joy that He in all of His wonderful grace and mercy is continuing to teach me. I need not feel defeated and over whelmed. This is a wonderful thing. I am praising that small voice, and thanking God I am hearing that small voice, before it becomes too loud to bare.
I am so thankful God is still using me and molding me to be exactly who He wants me to be. I am so humbled at the fact that God views me as usable. I want God to use me in any and all areas of my life. My prayer is that He will dig out all the bad stuff and refill me with everything I can not produce on my own. However, before that can happen we need to have the ability to listen and obey Gods voice, may it be small or large.
Psalms 18: 30 says “God, His way is perfect; the Word of the LORD is pure. He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him. For who is God besides the LORD? And who is a rock? Only our God. God, He clothes me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer and sets me securely on the heights. He trains my hands for war; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You have given me the shield of Your salvation; Your right hand upholds me, and Your humility exalts me. You widen a place beneath me for my steps, and my ankles do not give way.”
God is power. Turn to Him in all areas of your life. You won’t be disappointed. He is calling for you to turn to Him. Trust in Him. If you are a Christian, self examination is a good thing. What areas of your life has God been whispering to you in? Turn to Him in those areas so that God may transform your life!!! Our God can do all things! He is powerful and mighty, don’t wait, let him in!!!
God Bless you!

Dreaded Legalism

Wow! What a week. I know, I did not update last Thursday but I decided that although my goal is to update every week, I am not going to dread or force myself to by postponing things so I will make time to update my blog. I love this blog. I almost do not want to call it a “blog” because it is so much more to me than that. I really enjoy expressing myself and “venting” sometimes about what is going on in my life. The main reason I decided to begin this is because I wanted to speak on what all God has shown me and give those who may be reading this a inside look of someone that struggles everyday, as we all do, but also a look at someone who loves the Lord and will to continue to work everyday to become everything, He wants me to me.
I am not too prideful and I do not think that everyone is begging to learn all about my life. However, like me, I know there are individuals out there who would like to see they are not alone in some of their thoughts, feelings, fears, and struggles. I wrote my first blog post on another site a couple of years, ago. It was filled with simple thoughts, just about what I had been going through. After I posted the blog, I received so many responses, I decided that, at least in my group of friends, there was a need for this type of authentic expression.
The point of stating all of this is to say, that I love writing this blog, however I am not going to “force” to update, and give myself rules for something I enjoy. So many times we make rules and regulations for what we once enjoyed doing. I have struggles with this in so many areas. For example, I love reading my Bible, but I will make rules as to how much I should read in a week, how long I should read my Bible each day, and before I know it, I am so overwhelmed by the rules I have placed on something I once loved doing, that I am now burdened while doing it. I do this about working out too! I love working out, however I have a tendency in making this a rule of law. So much so, that if I do not work out on the days I have assigned, I will feel bad the whole day. This struggle is not just in the realm of religious activities. Rarely, any of our struggles just pertain to our spiritual relationship; it usually is within our secular activities as well.
How do we stop this? I believe it begins with our prayer life and asking the Lord to open our eyes and heart when we are turning “legalistic” in certain areas. If I am not constantly in prayer about this weakness, it will over take my life on most days. I am currently reading Matthew, and this is a great book to read when God is opening your eyes to this struggle. Jesus is constantly talking with the Sadducees, and the Pharisee about their rules and how it will get them nowhere. At this moment I am reminded of a verse in Matthew, which says “…I desire mercy, not sacrifice” (Matthew 12: 7) In Matthew 12 the disciples are passing through a grain field on the Sabbath and are hungry. They begin to pick some of the grain. When the Pharisees saw this they stated the disciples were doing unlawful things on the Sabbath. Jesus stated that some things are greater than the Sabbath are. Jesus continues by stating “If you had known what this means: I desire mercy and not sacrifice, you would not have condemned the innocent. For the Son of Man is Lord of the Sabbath”. The Pharisees and Sadducees were obsessed with rules, laws, and regulations. They could never fully rely on Jesus because they were focused on the wrong thing. Sadly, Jesus knew most would not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven because of their mindset.
This is a sobering thought, when I realize how serious this is, and the work I have to continue to be bondage free in this area. I am not so much focused on what others do, nor am I focused on the rules they must hold to. However, I am very focused on myself in this area. I may not worry about how many check marks others have checked off, but if I am not careful, I can be totally focused on how many I have checked off. When I feel God is pruning me in certain areas, sometimes I go overboard and think I have to react double to what God is doing.
This is most certainly not true. It was never me who sparked the urge to change inside myself anyways. God prunes us, and he gives us the strength to become more like Him. In our own earthly nature, we as humans will never want to change. However, with the Holy Spirit in us we are changed every day from glory to glory, to become more like our Father. There is nothing we can do to make this process go faster. Like wise, there is nothing we can do to change anything about us, without God. We can not read our Bible enough, hang out with our Christian friends enough, not watch certain t.v. shows enough and so on. Those are all good disciplines; however, just doing those things will never make us more like Jesus. If we understand that, then our understanding towards legalism should be clear, rules do not make us a better Christian.
However, it is hard to not feel like we have to do more. However, if we feel like we have to have rules, then we are not trusting God fully in our lives. If our heart is in the right place, God will continue to work in us to make us more like Him. Think about it, if you say you trust God completely in your life, you will also understand that God is in complete control of your life.
Does this mean we do not have to read our Bibles anymore, go to Church, evangelize, or continue to fellowship with our Christian friends? Absolutely not, those examples are very good disciplines, that I believe once we start God will give us the desire to continue. For example, once I stopped making myself read my Bible a certain amount of time a day, and realized how legalistic I was, I actually was reading my Bible more. Really, I was!! This is because I started enjoying reading my Bible again, and I didn’t make it a chore.
God began to show me so much more when I was able to read my Bible cheerfully and not because I was obligated to. Yes we should take our Bible reading seriously, actually my last blog talks all about that. However, we must pray and seek boundaries so that we are able to grow and learn in a way only God can nourish. Even if you do not know how to stop being legalistic or even know in what areas, just pray to God and ask Him to reveal to you areas, in which you are focusing less on God and more on your own status.
I pray these words have helped you today as they have helped me. God Bless you!

The Living Word

What a week! Patients is the key this week. Over all, I really can't complain, by God's grace, its been a pretty good week. Lately I have been reading and listening to many different sermons. From the regular ones of Joyce Meyers, Josh Harris, to new ones like John Piper, Mark Driscoll, Charles Spurgeon, and the likes. I have learned so much from hearing and reading different view points. So many talents pastors and leaders out there, I just love it!
I was listening to one sermon and the pastor was talking about how by the voice of God creation started, the world began, birds were created, and life was born. God's voice is so powerful, and at that moment I realized how amazing His voice is. How amazing that God spoke and it came to be. To really meditate on that is almost too much to take. I also realized another thing at that point. The Bible is also God's spoken word, and how absolutely powerful the Bible is.
Lately I have been drawn to reading my Bible more, and not just reading it but to really learn, meditate, and pray over everything I have read. I read Matthew chapters 1-10 every day this week. I believe it was John MacArthur that spoke about doing the same thing, and it inspired me. I used to read through books of the bible and continue on to the next one. However, if you think about it, if you start at Matthew 1, when will you hit Matthew 1 again. Its going to take a long time to work through the entire New Testament and then you will probably move to an Old Testament book, and then go back to Matthew 1. So most likely after all is considered, you will read Matthew 1 about once a year. So I decided, (because I am trying to memorize more versus anyways) to read Matthew 1-10 for a week (so that is seven times). Then move on to 11-20 every day, and so on and so forth. I must say I know Matthew 1 through 10 pretty good by now. I do not know it verbatim, but I know it more than I did before.
Oh to pull out scripture every time we are tempted or tried!!!! How amazing that would be. Instead of immediately thinking of some carnal response when we are mad, sad, angry or everything in between, how wonderful it would be to speak the living Word of God. Some times that happens. Especially the lines we learned in children's church. Remember this one... "turn the other cheek" ? But how powerful as Christians we could be if we dedicated more time in the Word and less time on Facebook, or in reality t.v. Instead of quoting a line from last nights MTV show, why not quote a line from God's Word, the only thing that will help us all of our lives.
When we become Christian we can not pick and chose what we will do. We are either going to follow to our fullest, or we will not. We are either going to cultivate those righteous seeds that were planted in us, or we are going to let them die off. Its our chose
How wonderful God's Word is. You know I can listen to sermons and read articles by Godly theologians all day long, but it will never get me where I need to go. It will lead me some, but definitely not all the way without God's Word. See the key to this is that the reason they are able to produce such inspiring works and sermons is because they did the work. They read the Bible and searched, learned and spent hours meditating in it. So they are giving the audiences the over flow of their knowledge, and what a blessing that is. But I don't just want the overflows. I want to experience that myself. The only way to do that is to dig deep, and read the Word.
The more and more I read, the more I realize how just absolutely POWERFUL it is. How INSPIRATIONAL it is. I can't live without it. So in return it changes my heart, my actions, and desires.
Again I will ask the question, how different would this place be if we all studied the Word, and realized how powerful it is? Living in a society that is so power hungry, I am not surprised by the situation modern day society is in now, because most are missing the most powerful tool, the living Word of God.
God Bless You

Relying on what God says I am

Well I must say, I kept my word. I said I was going to start posting at least once a week. I am excited to report for this week, I did what I said I would do! This was not an easy promise to keep. This week as been super busy and it will not slow down for a while. However, that being said, I believe there is always time, to sit, type and describe some of the amazing things God has revealed to me through His Word this week.
It seems I have really felt such a draw lately to be submersed in the Word. I absolutely LOVE reading my Bible and find great comfort in the words that I read over on a daily basis. Although the passion to read the Word comes and goes, depending on how busy we are with our daily lives. I feel that the more we dedicate time to God's Word, the more of a desire we will gain and the more we will not be able to put it down. I am currently reading Matthew. I am up to Chapter 10. Although today , I am rereading all of it again, because I want to really understand and concentrate on Jesus' journey.
Most mornings when I am driving to work I ask the Lord for Him to use me as a light in any dark places that day. Matthew 5:14-16 speaks of just that, as Jesus says "You are the light of the world. A city situated on a hill cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and puts it under a basket, but rather on a lampstand, and it gives light for all who are in the home. In the same ways, let your light shine before men, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven." I want to be used in any form or fashion for Christ. Even if it is just a simple smile to brightens someones day. I want to do that, because even that is showing the love of Christ.
Believe me though, when you ask to be the light in a dark place, you will often find yourself in situations that will test your ability to be the light. This week has been one of those weeks for me.
Often when you pray for God to help you in an area, or pray for Him to use you in some way, you will see it all around you. Often if we pray for good thoughts through the day, we may be faced with an unkind word from a co-worker that sends up mentally through the roof. How are we to meditate on good thoughts after something like that happens? I believe by restating what God has said about us. Mentally speak good things from the Word of God you remember reading. In the end however, just praying to ourselves for God to give us direction even in that moment is something we all can do to stay focused on God and not the unkind word.
I will often drive home, reprimanding myself of the wrong thing I said, or did not say, or generally just the way I behaved. Literally picking myself apart until I feel destroyed and that I botched the whole day. Luckily, I have come to the conclusion (on most days) to just give myself a break. I am not giving God enough credit if I think I can fix everything about myself, every second of the day. God has never failed in showing me or guiding me in someway if I needed to work on certain areas of my life. Yes, it is important to pray for areas we feel are struggles, and keep praying and reading the Word about those areas, until we feel that we are delivered, but to continuously knock our own self down because we feel like we have to is absurd. I mean really, it isn't anything we are doing that is going to change us. It is only the Holy Spirit inside of us that will change us, if we do what we are suppose to do, which is to lean on God, read the Word and have faith the He will lead us up and over the mountain.
However, most people give up on themselves changing before they reach victory because the journey may take some time. As one of my favorite teachers Joyce Meyers' has said before "it took longer than a day to get into your mess, and its going to take longer than a day of doing right to get out of it". You have to fight the good fight of faith and realize that your circumstances may not change over night. However, that is why God is so good, because having faith that God will change your circumstances and being dedicated to staying strong to see the deliverance will only be a GAIN for your life and it will also allow you to get closer to God more than you ever expected you could be. Believe me, keep going, stay strong because victory is on its way. Don't beat yourself up, but renew your mind in what God's Word says you are, which is righteous, and victorious!
God Bless you!!!

Revelation in Trust

A new school year has started yet again. Many things have changed in my life since my last post. I have made a commitment to myself and to anyone else out there that reads this, that I will be posting at least once a week. Yes, once a week! So here we go!!
Today I woke up, and was unusually running late for work. I do not always run late for work, but at the last minute I decided to change my outfit of choice and wear something else. So that includes getting out the iron again, finding another belt, and so on. So I was running late. When I got to work I found that my very favorite mug that hold all my important pens on my desk was broken into pieces laying on my desk! I was at first outraged. I loved that mug, and to see it in such condition on my desk was horrible. I was bound and determined to find out which person at night that cleans up, broke my mug. However, after a few minutes I realized that I needed to calm down and not get so angry about what was probably an accident. Although, I still was upset I decided I was not going to let that ruin my day, and spoke out loud that I was having a great day and nothing could go wrong today.
A few minutes after that I decided to use a machine grade some papers, only to find out that it would not work for me. It wasn't broken... two teachers had used it earlier, but for me it just wouldn't work. I had to laugh at that point. Things just weren't going my way today, and it was only two hours in.
I decided to calm my mind down, and just relax and take my time the remainder of the day. There was nothing I could do about the grade machine, there was nothing I could do about my pitiful mug, so the best thing I could do was to recenter and continue on.
All of this to say that life is this very same way. Seriously, life has ups and downs, its busy, and then its calm. What we are to do as Christians is to trust in the LORD and know more than we know anything else, that He is in control of everything.
Isn't that hard though? Especially for me. I have such a hard time not trying to fix everything, or think things through, or defuse a situation. But we are to trust in the LORD. I have recently started catching my self when I start the "what ifs" to just stop and focus on God. I will never know what is going to happen tomorrow, but God does. I will never have the answers to everything, but God does. The only job I am to have is to pray, meditate on God's will, and to read the Word.
To trust the LORD fully with everything in your life may be difficult. However, doing this will only strengthen your relationship with Him. When I began this new challenge to trust in God more with everything in my heart I became excited. I knew this journey would only lead me closer to God and would show me God in a totally different way. When we have faith and trust God more, I believe we begin to view things in a whole different way.
I have wrote down many Bible verses pertaining to this subject, and I often take them out and read them.
Isaiah 43:18-19: Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not preceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
How cool is that?? God will make a way for us, no matter where we are! He is in complete control and loves us more than we could ever imagine.
Psalms 19:14 says "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, oh Lord, my rock and my redeemer". I love this verse. I often say it in the mornings to begin my day.
My life has changed so much, and I love the place God has me at right now. I want to learn all I can, and grow closer to God every single day. I truly believe the only way is to totally trust God and rely on Him during all the seasons of our lives. If you don't completely know where to start, just simply tell God 'I want to grow closer to you, show me how'. He will honor your request to grow closer to Him.
I really can't imagine my life without Him. Until next week.....

Can I Tell You Something?

I am overwhelmed at how amazing our God is. A few days ago I couldn't tell you this would be the first words out when writing this today. Things have been hectic lately. Going with the flow and trying to get things done from day to day had just become my life. Counting down the days until summer break was the high light.
However, a few months ago when my life went in a very different direction and things settled down, I knew God was telling me to take this time when school was on a pause and things at work were winding down to really focus on Him, and learn all I could from His word. He was calling me to a time that I would grow closer to Him. God does this very specifically to each of us; calling us on a journey with just Him to be loved, grow in His word, and grow in our faith. I knew that this was my season if I allowed God to work in my life. It is a choice, you know. God will call out to us, and it is up to us to accept His calling, or to simply ignore it.
God has been showing me so many things about myself and about my life. Too often we depend on other people and other things to make us happy. Sadly that is one of my down falls. I rely on friendship more often for advice than praying. I am extremely happy when I get things that I want, instead of praising God that during this economic down turn, I am not feeling most of it.
Yet, my God is amazing. Still calling my name to focus on Him.
I have come to the realization more than ever now, that life without fully in God's will is not the life I want to live. Last night I was laying in bed, about to fall asleep and all I could hear in my head was "focus on me, focus on me". This morning I woke up and felt over joyed with the love of God. I felt that every place in my heart was filled with the love of God.
I yearn for all God has for me. I am very passionate about following God's will. I am very passionate about this, because I still remember when I was only living for myself. Yes, I was a Christian but you could barely see it from the out side. I was living life for myself and it got me absolutely no where. I have tried living like that, and it only leads to destruction.
I know what God has for me is greater than anything I could ever imagine. Yet, I feel the society we live in is so afraid to grasp that. I am too at times. We feel that relying on the unknown is a risk too hard to take. So instead we live life, and we make decisions based on what our feeble minds think is good. Yet if we would just GIVE IT TO HIM, He would transform it to something amazing. Do not be satisfied with a simple day to day life. Expect more, search for more, live for more in Christ. Be a solider for Christ, and fight the good fight for others, not for your self. Life is short and our journey here is but a blink of an eye. Make a difference. You and I were made for more.
God Bless You!

Another End to Another Year

I am really going to do better about blogging. Since school has started it has been difficult for me to really post anything significant, due to the fact that if I am not at work, I am studying for my classes. But soon, very soon actually my class will be over and I will have more opportunity to post. This semester I am taking Church History and Christian Theology. Both classes have been really challenging, however I have learned so much and I am really excited about how far I have come in just this year. I prayed so hard for so long for God to open doors for seminary school, and it all just fell right into place. I am excited about where I am at right now, and excited about where this will take me.
This year has sort of been a blur. I am not that comfortable with that feeling actually. I have been reminded recently how bad it is to wish your life away and not living for today but the weekend, or vacation. For example we all say "I wish the weekend was now" or "I will be okay when this is over." How boring is that? I mean yeah we all want really good things to happen to us. However we can't just wait until the next exciting thing happens. We have to live for today and not for the weekend or for next year for that matter. People always say "Next year will be better!" or "January 1st starts my diet!". Well why not start your diet today, or make today the best day ever? God gave us this day for a reason and we must not postpone happiness, when it is available today!
We are not guaranteed another day on this Earth, and although we do not like to talk about it much, we must realize that we have to make TODAY the best day it can be. Everyone is on a journey and on the way to where you need to be, why not make the ride fun, enjoyable and exciting? Life is better that way, I assure you! I wake up every morning and say that this morning will be the best day ever, because it makes my day really enjoyable. I find myself getting really excited about what will happen and who I will talk to and learn from. It is amazing!
One finally example of this lesson I have been learning. Having a career and living life, I could choose to wait around until I get married. Not fully enjoying life because I didn't have someone to share it with. However, on the days when I was a hopeless romantic (crying while watching a sappy movie) I would say to God " I have faith that you have someone for me, and I can't wait till you reveal him to me". I turned the "whoa is me" attitude and turned it around into me praising God and speaking the faith that I know He has someone to me. Now I am not saying that by doing this will bring Prince Charming any faster. However what I am saying is that I enjoyed the ride on the way to where I am going. I would hate to admit to myself when I do meet Mr. Right, that "Yeah I just waited around for so-n-so. Didn't really live, just kinda survived."....ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!! Life is to be lived to day!!!!!! So my last words on this post to you is GET STARTED, LIFE IS HERE! God Bless you all!!!!

The Light at the End of the Tunnel is Near....

I was in the middle of studying and realized I had not "blogged" in a while. So I thought I would stop and type for a little while. Life has been extremely busy. School has been going really well. I made an A in my first class, and I am almost finished with my second. I have one paper and one final and that is it for the summer. I have really enjoyed learning in my classes. The studying has been pretty intense, but when I finish I realize how much information that I have learned, and can take with me for the rest of my life. I am taking the summer off, for some much needed rest, but I am excited about my classes in the fall.

The class I am currently in is New Testament Orientation II. This class is much more difficult than my first class. The New Testament has so much information and going into it, since I have read the NT many times before, I really thought I would have much of the background information already. Apparently, I did not know what I was thinking, because I am learning so much more than I ever thought I would. I have such an appreciation for both the New Testament and the Old Testament. I am loving all of this, and it is such a rewarding experience.

This process of going to school, learning, studying, passing has been such an amazing experience. I have been wanting to go to Seminary school for so long, and have known that God placed this desire in my heart for a reason. When looking back and visioning how this all has played out, and how easy it was for me to start going, and having time to study as hard as I do, it is all God. God really has placed this with favor in my life, and although I have to do the work, this is in no way shape or form easy, God has given me peace to really focus and study well. This experience really demonstrates to me, that God does have a plan for each of our lives and when He gives us a desire and you know without a shadow of a doubt that this is His will, it will work out. It took me 2 1/2 years to start after the initial feeling, and yet I just continued with my life, and finished my undergrad and tried for a job, and even worked for a year before it all came to be.

When I remembered how this all worked out, it really puts into perspective things that I know God has told me now and I am still waiting for them. I do not want to waste my life away just waiting when I know it will come to pass, but I just have to be patient and wait. Many times, I find myself consumed with what I want, and I do not just live and when it comes it comes.

When I knew I was going to seminary but it had not happened yet, I didn't stop living, I wasn't consumed with it. I knew it would happen and I just kept doing what I knew I needed to do so that it would happen.

Life is really good right now. Now don't get me wrong, I could pick out things that are wrong, and dwell and be unhappy. However, as I am sitting on my couch and watching Little People Big World (lol) life is great. My job is almost over, I only have 4 weeks until summer vacation. I really have sooooo many things to be happy about and proud of myself about.

Things will never be perfect and I will never have everything I want, but I am happy. I will keep working and striving for better and strive to be a better person for God. But I am not ashamed to say that I think I am doing pretty well right now. God has given me so much, and I am really realizing that by leaning more on Him and less on myself, I am at peace.

I have lived by myself for about 6 months now, and its so easy to nit-pick everything wrong and things I haven't done right because no one else is around to blame it on. But I am learning everyday how to lean on God more and more. I still have so many things to work through and on, but in the words of Joyce Meyer "I'm not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be". I will praise God for that. I remember so many times I would think to myself "I am never going to be able to change this or that"...and I was right, by myself I can't. But with God I was able to. I was able to stand strong and live by myself and manage my money and go to school and go to work, and really work on some of my negative aspects. I was able to do it, because of God.

Life is good, and the moral of the story is: Instead of thinking about all the wrong things that are going on in your life, or wrong things about you, praise God that you aren't where you used to be, and that will motivate you to move closer to God so you can become more like Him.

Praise God, and may He bless you!

A New Year

It has been awhile since I have posted anything. That should tell you a little, on how my life has been so crazy the last couple of months. It is now February, and it seems like last week was Christmas or at least New Years.

Some new things have happened since my last post: I started Seminary school (Liberty University) and I have started my growth group with MyChurch. Some amazing things have happened, and although my plate is full, it is all with things that I am so excited to be a part of.

I am a students again! I am so excited about that. I really expected me to slide back into that old mind set in my under-graduate years, and yet, it is not that same.

I have learned so much in just the past couple of weeks from my lesson. I am currently taking Old Testament Orientation. I have to tell you, I have never been a bible student (unless you count the six weeks in third grade that I attended a Christian school). All of this information that I am learning, has given me such a new found respect for the Old Testament. When I previously read the OT I really couldn't understand much of it. I understood most of the stories, Psalms, and Proverbs, but really I felt that the New Testament was what I really enjoyed more. Now, I am just so interested in the OT. I would have never imagined the amazing things I have found in my studies. The most rewarding thing so far is how much I am learning about God.

God's mercy is one thing that I have learned so much more about. The Israelite's would continuously turn away from their Father, and yet God is always there to take them back. He wants to love them, and show them His mercy. His arms are always reached out for them, and He is ready to bless them. They would turn and worship foreign pagan gods, and not respect anything that the LORD has done for them.

When thinking about this, I wonder how would God's chosen people be so quickly to turn away from God and towards these foreign idols that our Father is so adamantly against? Then I realized that although our modern society of Christians would look down on any other Christian turning away from God to worship idols, we have put things before God. Isn't that in essence idolatry? I think it is.

There are many times that I have found myself too busy that by the end of the day, I haven't read my Bible at all, or stopped to talk to God. We tend to be so busy with the things that God has blessed us with (jobs, friends, children, food, etc) that we forget to thank and praise the one that gave it to us. We start getting too comfortable in our nice life and forget to realize why it is so comfortable. This has really had some influence on how I chose to spend my free time. I am not going to say that I will never be too busy again or that I won't forget to read my Bible. But what I will always keep in mind, is that although the stories in the Bible are from the past and many of the same situations are not the same, we still have something to learn from the inspired word of God given to us from the prophets. We would not still be here on earth if there wasn't anything for us to learn from the Bible and from God's inspired words.

That is just one of the things that I have learned so far from my studies. It so far has been an amazing ride, and I can't wait to tell you more about it!

I do not know where God is leading me and the reason behind going to Seminary school, other than that I really felt that I was called to go, and after everything worked out so perfectly, I knew it was in God's plan for me to go. But, I am learning so much, and I am leaning on God more than ever. He has become my firm and steady rock in every situation.

Living alone, and dealing with life on my own has been difficult after everything settled down. But I praise God for this gift that He has given me, and I praise Him for the journey He is taking me on. Life has become so amazing, and on my worst day, I still have God, in whom, I can share all of it with. That is the best part of my life right now. I am so excited about this new year, and the many things that I will learn and grow from in it.

God In A Box

A fitting title, 'God in a box". There are many things in my life that I chose not to allow God to totally take control of. Be it my attitude on any given day, the situation I may be apart of, or the choices I make on a daily bases.

Many things have changed in my life the last couple of months. I live by myself now, I am finally going to seminary school, and I am more dependent on myself than ever before. I think this was God's plan all along. As if I could change any of it.

I always wanted to live by myself, but I guess I was too scared, and poor to actually do it with out some help. I had a couple of roommates lined up when Mel was engaged, because I knew that someone would have to take her place. Slowing but surely, I ended up living by myself though. Again, I say that this was God's plan all along, because everything fit right into place. Now, I'm not going to say that there wasn't some growing pains, but in the end.... I really like living by myself. Looking back on to the situation, I really believe that God knew that He really needed me to get to a place, where I was completely dependent on Him for me to grow into the person He wants me to be. I could only grow so much with a twin sister living with me. There would always be apart of me, no matter how much I loved and depended on God, that would always depend on Mel more than anyone else. So this was a good thing. I am living by myself and am just growing everyday into the person God wants me to be. I talk to God so much when I am here alone, I really feel His presence so much more now.

This has been such a learning process. I have learned so much about myself and about the type of person I am. I really am becoming myself now. I would never take this time in my life away. I want to grow as much as I can while I am single. I want to grow and learn in so many areas.

I think right now God is really working with me about my self-confidents. Again, with a twin sister always around, I could usually feel confident because I had another person beside me. But if you stop using a muscle (and in my case that was my individual self-confidents) you will end up loosing it. And so I guess that is what happened.

Most recently I have struggled with being myself around people. Often times, when I leave a group environment, I bash myself so bad because I said something stupid, weird, or inappropriate. I think that is one of the enemies tactics, so to isolate ourselves away from people, and make us feel like we are fighting a loosing battle. Realizing this social battle, I realized that I did not allow God to totally be involved in this situation. I knew that this was an attack by the enemy, but I wasn't doing anything to combat it.

I put God in a box, because I thought that this struggle was for just me to fight. Kind of stupid, but none the less, that is what I did. However, this struggle directly connects to why God wanted me to live by myself. In every situation He wants me to rely on Him, and to grow in the person He wants me to be. God gave me a personality, and a specific one at that. Being just myself is totally okay. It is okay if people like me, and it is okay if they want to hang out with me, and start conversations with me. Being self-conscious can and will destroy all of what God wants us to be. It can bind us so tight, that we forget who we were, and the qualities about ourselves that God has gifted us with. This can not stay with us, for we will never be who God intended us to be.

How do we fix this? Well first I think that we should learn who God is, and what He can do in us. This can be done through prayer and studying His word. Ephesians 1: 13 says "..... You put your faith in Christ and were given the promised Holy Spirit to show that you belong to God. The Spirit also makes us sure that we will be given what God has stored up for his people." Second, we should rebuke any negative thought that we know the Lord has no part in. It is one thing to have the Lord show us our wrong in certain situations, but it is another when we are trapped in a spiritual warfare with our enemy telling us lies. Third, never give up on one and two!!!!!! God will over power the negative!

To grow in God, is to learn what amazing things He has for us. I can not stress enough, how being self-conscious can destroy any possibility for us to realize what has been given to us by God. I do understand that we should all be humble and reverent to the fact that we all have faults. I am not saying that we shouldn't. I believe that God gives us those understanding to help us in communicating with people around us, and to understand what we need to work on personally and things like that. However, I believe that in most cases when we are self-conscious, it only hinders God's process in our hearts. Being self-conscious can also lead us down a path of fear, doubt, burden thoughts, and anxiety. This is never good when trying to be all that we can be in Christ Jesus.

In all of this being said, this is what I am going through right now. It isn't the biggest thing that is going on in my life right now. However, it is something that I can definitely get a hold of and work on. As a single girl, it is easy sometimes to struggle with self-confidents. But it doesn't need to be. God will not remain in a box, that He doesn't even fit in anyways. He is so much bigger than anything we could ever imagine. That alone gives me hope in all things.